Newton's law of gravity

What did Newton's penis say to him after seeing a sexy naked woman?

Fuck your laws of gravity, i'm going up!

Guts

Define GUTS>>>?

it's when your girlfriend catches you in the theature with another girl and you say.

LOVE YOU DARLING. NEXT SHOW IS WITH YOU'.

Gandhi ji and Shahrukh Khan

What is the similarity between Gandhi ji and Shahrukh Khan?

Both returened to India after getting insulted in South Africa!!

Innovative!!

Boy- my girlfriend broke up with me and sent me pictures of her with her new boyfriend!

Friend- thats bad!

Boy- but no problem, i sent them to her dad....

moral- be INNOVATIVE!!

Great students

Great students like you and me flip an coin and think.

head- we vil go to sleep.

tail- we vil watch a movie

stand- we vil listen to music.

if it stays in the air- we will study..!!!!!

The weaker sex!

Women- They hold you by your dick, get into your brains, analyze your past, fuck your future, screw your feelings, empty your pockets and are outrageously called the ''WEAKER SEX''!!!

Mummy!

Two Sardars in museum looking @ Egyptian mummy.
Sardar 1- look, so many bandages, pakka accident case.
Sarsar 2- yes yes, Lorry number also written B.C.1760

Cockroach

Son kills butterfly. Dad says no butter for two weeks.

Son kills honeybee. Dad says no honey for two weeks.

MOM kills cockroach-

Son says, Dad will you tell her or should i?

During the Great Depression, there was a man who walked into a bar one day. He went up to the bartender and said, "Bartender, I'd like to buy the house a round of drinks."

The bartender said, "That's fine, but we're in the middle of the Depression, so I'll need to see some money first."

The guy pulled out a huge wad of bills and set them on the bar. The bartender can't believe what he's seeing. "Where did you get all that money?" asked the bartender.

"I'm a professional gambler," replied the man.

The bartender said, "There's no such thing! I mean, your odds are fifty-fifty at best, right?"

"Well, I only bet on sure things," said the guy.

"Like what?" asked the bartender.

"Well, for example, I'll bet you fifty dollars that I can bite my right eye," he said.

The bartender thought about it. "Okay," he said.

So, the guy pulled out his false right eye and bit it. "Aw, you screwed me," said the bartender, and paid the guy his $50.

"I'll give you another chance. I'll bet you another fifty dollars that I can bite my left eye," said the stranger.

The bartender thought again and said, "Well, I know you're not blind, I mean, I watched you walk in here. I'll take that bet." So, the guy pulled out his false teeth and bit his left eye.

"Aw, you screwed me again!" protested the bartender.

"That's how I win so much money, bartender. I'll just take a bottle of your best scotch in lieu of the fifty dollars," said the man.

With that, the guy went to the back room and spent the better part of the night playing cards with some of the locals. After many hours of drinking and card playing, he stumbled up to the bar. Drunk as a skunk, he said, "Bartender, I'll give you one last chance. I'll bet you five hundred dollars that I can stand on this bar on one foot and piss into that whiskey bottle on that shelf behind you without spilling a drop."

The bartender once again pondered the bet. The guy couldn't even stand up straight on two feet, much less one. "Okay, you're on," he said.

The guy climbed up on the bar, stood on one leg, and began pissing all over the place. He hit the bar, the bartender, himself, but not a drop made it into the whiskey bottle.

The bartender was ecstatic. Laughing, the bartender said, "Hey pal, you owe me five hundred dollars!"

The guy climbed down off the bar and said, "That's okay. I just bet each of the guys in the card room a thousand bucks each that I could piss all over you and the bar and still make you laugh!"

Woman

"A woman's mind is cleaner than a man's. She changes it more often."
- Oliver Herford

"A wife of 40 should be like money You should be able to change her for two of 20"
- Anon

"She tells enough white lies to ice a cake"
- Dorothy Parker

"She's got such a narrow mind, when she walks fast her earrings bang together."
- John Cantu

"My wife asked what it would take to make her look good I said "About a mile" "
- Anon

"She not only kept her lovely figure, she's added so much to it."
- Bob Fosse

"Some women are BLONDE on their Mother's side, some from their Father's side - she is from Peroxide."
- Anon

"She has discovered the secret of perpetual middle age."
- Oscar Levant talking about Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Her voice sounded like an eagle being goosed."
- Ralph Novak on Yoko Ono

"Brassy, brazen witch on a mortgaged broomstick, a steamroller with cleats."
- Walter Kerr on Ethel Merman

My cute little BABY

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The busdriver said:"That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen''.In a huff,the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.

"The bus driver insulted me", she fumed.

The man sympathized and said "why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers".

"You're right", she said. I think i'll go back up there and give him a piece of mind".

"That's a good idea," the man said. "Here let me hold your monkey."

Robbery

Gang of Sardars broke a bank, but they found bottles of chilled lassi instead of cash. They drank it happily and left. Next day headline -----" Sperm Bank looted"

IPL

Since last year, 2 things are gaining large response in India.

IPL and I-PILL.............................

AIDS AWARENESS!!!!

Try different positions with the same woman instead of the same position with different women.

Please pass this message to different fuckers.

A girl in a shop- How much does this dress cost?

Shopkeeper- Just 5 kisses

Girl- Ok, pack the dress, my grandma will pay the bill!

In 1960, 1st topless dance bar in India opened in Mumbai...

Gud news is that it is still open.....

Bad news is that same girls are still dancing......

America!

A recent survy in America showed that only 50% of the children live with their parents, what about the other 50%?

They are already parents..................

Law of Reverse Dynamics!!

LAW OF REVERSE DYNAMICS!

When a man becomes rich, he becomes naughty and when a woman becomes naughty, she becomes rich!!

Money!!

"ALWAYS REMEMBER, MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING, BUT MAKE SURE YOU'VE MADE LOTS OF IT BEFORE TALKING SUCH NONSENSE!"--- BILL GATES.

Heights!!

WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF FASHION?
Lungi with zip..................

WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF LAZINESS?
Asking for morning..........

WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF CRAZINESS?
Getting blank paper xeroxed.................

WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF DE-HYDRATING?
Cow giving milk powder...................


WHAT IS THE HEIGHT OF HOPE?
A 99 year old woman going for life-time validity.....

HEIGHT OF SOPHISTICATION?
Sucking nipples with straw........

HEIGHT OF TECHNOLOGY?
Condom with zip.........

HEIGHT OF PENETRATION?
a baby girl born pregnant............

Realization!

-----STUNNING FACT-----

We all spend so much money for buying different clothes, without realizing that the best moments of life are enjoyed without clothes!

Stamp

The Indian government decided to publish the photo of Mallika Sherawat on a postal stamp.
The male population is confused now--------








as to which side to lick!!>....

This is the wall of Indian cricket!!

Rajnikanth's new film climax
His team needs 10 runs of the remaining 1 ball.
Rajni hits the ball, the ball splits into 2, 1 goes for a six and the other goes for a four!!

This is true love!

True slogan!!!!!


Fuck a girl just once and she will happily love you for the rest of your life.......

Love a girl once and she will happily fuck your life forever!!!!.......

This is

Thieves!

In USA, a machine was invented to catch thieves. They took it to different countries for testing it.
In UK, within 30 minutes the machine helped to catch 50 thieves......
In Cannada, within 30 minutes the machine caught helped to catch 110 thieves......
but

but

but

In India, within 5 minutes, the machine was stolen!!!

Marriage!

Man fixed his marriage his marriage on 2nd March. He sent invitation to his friends like this. "Marriage is on 2nd, please come 1st night, we will all enjoy!

Difference Between Men and Women!

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.2. A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.3. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.4. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot & love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot & not try to understand her at all.5. Married men live longer than single men - but married men are a lot more willing to die.6. Any married man should forget his mistakes - there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.7. Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. Women somehow deteriorate during the night.8. A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change & she does.9. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.10. There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage & after marriage.

How Many Women!

After three years of marriage, Kim was still questioning her husband about his lurid past. "C'mon, tell me," she asked for the thousandth time, "how many women have you slept with?""Baby," he protested, "if I told you, you'd throw a fit".Kim promised she wouldn't get angry, and convinced her hubby to tell her."Okay," he said, "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven - then there's you - nine, ten, 11, 12, 13.."

Hypothetically Speaking!

A little boy goes up to his father and asks: "Dad, what's the difference between hypothetical and reality?" The father replies: "Well son, I could give you the book definitions, but I feel it could be best to show you by example. Go upstairs and ask your mother if she'd have sex with the mailman for $500,000." The boy goes and asks his mother: "Mom, would you have sex with the mailman for $500,000?" The mother replies: "Hell yes I would!" The little boy returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father then says: "Okay, now go and ask your older sister if she'd have sex with her principal for $500,000." The boy asks his sister: "Would you have sex with your principal for $500,000?" The sister replies: "Hell yes I would!" He returns to his father: "Dad, she said 'Hell yes I would!'" The father answers: "Okay son, here's the deal: Hypothetically, we're millionaires, but in reality, we're just living with a couple of whores."

Unexpected!

Poor guy
A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair, while tying the girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then gets up and goes into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells his wife:"Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how he kissed your neck." If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, do whatever he tells you. Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably very dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."To which his wife responds: "He wasn't kissing my neck. He wwas whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked me if we had any vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey. I love you too!!"

No ESCAPE for guys or mobile phones!

GIRL"S heart is like water.

BOY"S heart is like a mobile phone.

If either water falls on the mobile phone, or the phone falls into the water, the damage is for the mobile phone only!

Cannot find this watchman!

Parents are outside ABC college. They ask the watchman if the college is good.

WATCHMAN-"Probably the best college. I did my MBA here and got placement immediately!

Bad and Worse--

What's bad and worse
1.BAD- your girl leaves you
WORSE- for another girl!

2.BAD- your children are sexually active
WORSE- with each other

3.BAD- you find a porn movie in your son's room
WORSE- your in it.

Example of business<><><><><>

DAD- You have to marry the girl i choose.

SON- No way!

DAD- What if she is Bill Gate's daughter?

SON-Then OK!

DAD goes to Bill Gates.

DAD- I have a husband for your daughter.

B.G-Oh yeah? Who is that?

DAD-My son.

B.G- No way, how dare you......

DAD- He is the vice-president of the World Bank.

B.G-Then ok.

DAD goes to the president of the World Bank.

DAD-Appoint my son as the Vice-president of your bank.

PRES- No way!

DAD-My son is Bill Gates's son-in-law.

PRES-Then ok.

This is BUSINESS>>>>>>>>>>>>>!!!!!

The secret of long life!

---- SECRET OF LONG LIFE----

Morning two eggs with milk,

Evening two pegs with chips, and

Night two legs with lips..........

Enjoy the life..Happy life forever!!!

No Sea water for me!!!!!!!!

The blue whale ejaculates over 40 gallons of sperm when mating, but only 10% enter the female, and idiots like you wondered why the sea tasted so salty!!!!!

What a single letter mistake can do????
Husband went to Goa, sent an SMS to his wife-'Having a wonderful time, wish you were HER"...!!!!

Education!

What is education?

Education is an organised system through which we waste half of our lifes to learn how to waste the remaining half of our lives!

Frogs are more intelligent!!!

Princess to frog- If i kiss you, will you become a handsome prince?

Frog- That was during my grandpa's days..... Now you need to give me a blowjob!!!

Love and War!!!

Thought for the day!!



Make love, not War-------------------beacuse-----------











because,











Condems are cheaper than bullets!!!!!!!

Spicy fire!!!!!

A foreigner had very spicy Indian dinner. Next morning, he came out of the toilet and said; "Now i know why Indians use water, bloody tissue paper will catch fire!

Almost dropped!

Youth nowdays is getting worse! I was in a temple, when a guy next to me lit acigarette from the Arathi! I was shocked and almost dropped my beer bottle!

OMG!!!!!

Con an Titan school principals were arguing that their school students are fearless. Con's princy called his students and asked them to jump in a sea full of sharks. They jumped. Con's princi-"See their guts!''.

Titan's princi called his students and asked them to jump in the same sea full of sharks. They said,'Fuck off bastard!'

Titan's princi-"See their guts!'.

Investigating A Homicide!!

A police detective was investigating a homicide. As he questioned the on-scene officer, he learned the body was that of a young woman.
The body was found with a bowl over her head and a spoon stuck in her back.
The on-scene officer asked what the detective thought had happened to the woman.
The detective responded, "I think it's obvious. A cereal killer got her!"